In a recent (sort of bad) practice debate, Melissa and I presented the case that, in the event of a draft, there ought to be a broad exemption for students currently in higher education. (Present, post-Vietnam, law calls for a deferment till semester’s end; we would’ve extended the deferment to some more significant educational break-point.)
One of the arguments we made was that college would make better soldiers — after all, independent thinking is prized on the modern battlefield! The opposition predictably argued that some shmuck philosophizing on the field of battle would only endanger himself and his comrades. Au contraire, I think almost any strain of liberal arts education would be an asset in combat. I made a list of how each Amherst department’s students would be prepared for war:
- Philosophy – the best philosophy course this semester is called, “Problems with morality.” There are problems, and philosophy majors know it. When other soldiers are paralyzed by conscience, the philosophy majors will profess 3rd degree moral ignorance and keep blasting.
- Women’s and Gender Studies – rarely are the practical applications of man-hating so thoroughly explored as in war.
- Fine Arts – the enemy will exterminate these effete snobs, sparing our soldiers from the worst attacks.
- Physics – most physics majors are ready to die by the time they’ve graduated.
- Law, Jurisprudence & Social Thought – the most popular class in this department is called “Murder.”
- Mathematics – what else are they going to do with their degree?
- English – All those war novels have got to be good for something. Also, see Fine Arts.
- German – need I say more?
Many thanks to ADL for the title of this post.